I'm currently going though laser hair removal indeed. I had about 4 sessions so far. Foundation and color corrector also helps hiding the beard shadow a bit.
I have a similar experience. In short, I feel like there was a hole that expanded more and more as time went by. At some point that hole was so large I couldn't cover it anymore. That's the moment I knew I was trans. I also experience mild dysphoria. Although I can sometimes have panic attacks from dysphoria, I rarely hate myself. I tend to focus on the positive like how HRT is rewiring me and changing my body.
I too felt guilty for not realising and transitioning sooner, but my life would have been so different. I'm happy about my past, the people I met, the love I had, the trips I did, the experiences I had, and I don't want to change that.
I also believe it would have been really hard to transition while I was in high school, living with my parents. People back then didn't know what the word 'transgender' meant.
People transition at all ages, and they all eventually look so beautiful and happy. I think I did it at the right time.
Don't pressure yourself with the past. Focus on the present.
You're probably right. It's mainly life crap and I tend to focus too much on the negative. Life's not bad afterall.
Concerning my transition, I wish I could be seen as a woman by all but it's simply too early, so I wait, and I'm sure that one day someone I don't know will say "ma'am" to me.
Already running CachyOs