Thanks for sharing! I can relate to a lot of your experience. Not dressing out for PE, wearing a shirt at the pool, hating facial hair, that feeling of feminizing and not looking back. And after everything, I'd still pick cis-woman if I could reroll my character.
My only advice is to just live it up and follow what feels right. If I can be just a little cliche; Life is about the journey, not the destination!
(I'll try to add a little more to this soon. In a bit of a weird head space at the moment, but I at least wanted to get something of a reply to you.)
Thanks for taking the time to reply with all that.
There is a lot of avoidance going on despite them vocally asserting that they want to get better and are willing to try new ideas. But when the rubber meets the road, there is nothing but excuses.
I've tried asking deeper questions that require introspection, just to hear "I don't know how to answer that."
It feels like a lost cause, but a big part of what got me out of my own pit is that I don't easily let things go. (Not bragging, it gets me in trouble a lot, too)
I'll definitely keep your advice in mind and let you know if it helps!
It's not that kind of lack, it's more like... They are angry at how their life ended up, but can't see how or why they got there, as it relates to their own actions. It's all someone and something else's fault.
I think the issue is that I'm trying to reach someone on a logical level because due to our history and their current situation, I'm unable to connect emotionally.
I can feel that. When I couldn't get my estrogen refilled I started to feel crappy, and everything was much worse than it really was. I could see that making someone feel dysphoric.
When I first started to transition, I felt like I was 100% female, but after a while I just realized I'm not not a guy, but I am definitely a woman, lol.
It's hard to describe without relying on stereotypes, but I feel just as comfortable in a group of ladies as I do with guys. (Generally speaking. Gender toxicity is very confusing and off putting, and I have a hard time getting along with those types)
Can I ask how long you've been transitioning? It took me about 8 years of social transition and 6 years of medical to figure it out.
FWIW, I think all the years of male conditioning have definitely affected how I feel my gender.
edit: fixed timeline. It dawned on me about 2 years ago
It was free, but iirc, you had to sign up for a monthly subscription, and the 700 hours was just your first month free.