oh, I wasn't trying to be dickish about it, but I was pointing out that fighting a Canada goose is much different than fighting a pelican. a pelican, there seem to be multiple ways to hold it off without really hurting it, with a goose, the way they attack you can really only go for the head or neck which probably means you're going to kill it.

I was very high at the time so the rest is pretty much rambling.

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

I'm suggesting that you try contributing to a community before being an asshole in it. the first rule that will help you there is reading the name of a community before being a dickwad.

I'm scared of needlessly hurting animals. I couldn't have made that more plain. this isn't reddit, you don't just wade in insulting people over things you have no understanding of.

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

society as a whole has agreed that "yo momma" jokes are not actually about the other party's mother. people like you who break that convention gets this

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

then why do they keep trying to eat things that are bigger than them

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

they couldn't be naturally offended by bananas, as what we recognize as a banana is completely man-made. they must be unnaturally offended by it, or we bred the banana in such a way that it looks exactly like something that used to be offended by

probably pelican dildos.

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

I deal with a lot of unleashed dogs around here going after my dog so I'm already carrying pepper spray. it's too bad avians are immune to it.

actually it's not THAT bad. pepper spraying a seabird would probably end up with it drowning because it can't see where it's flying

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

this person was obviously seeing your mother last night

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

no but I can print a picture of one

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

well hold on, a Canada goose can get up to 14 lb easily, the brown pelican tops out at 6.9 lb, and doesn't have a cobra neck so your only options aren't attack the head & neck or do nothing.

like if there's a group of kids around, I'd rather they go home with a story about how I got beaten up by a goose then the trauma of the memory of a pudgy middle-aged man smashing a goose's head in front of them. I remember when I was like five and Animal Control had to come to my school and shoot a raccoon because they thought it had rabies, I got pretty emotional about that. heck, here I am talking about it more than 30 years later.

plus if anybody records it, no matter how much anybody acknowledges they don't want to be bitten by a goose, I'm still going to be branded a heartless goose killer and probably doxxed. there's a lot at play here

12mo ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

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Ellia Plissken @lemm.ee 12mo ago

oh look, Johnny No-Posts has an opinion on somebody's question in the No Stupid Questions community. I don't go to the Pinochet fan groups and tell you that you can't make helicopter memes, learn some basic internet etiquette.