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1 yr. ago

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  • Children and parents shouldn't be "best friends". When the children are adults, and especially after having moved out of the house, they have their own social life, their own partners, their own friends, they should stand on their own feet economically and with their households.

    Of course i can understand the moving back in temporarily and needing some "familiarity" in the form of family after the break-up. However that cannot go on indefinitely as it risks falling back into being too dependent and recreating relationship patterns that befit parents and non-adult children, but not adults.

    I might be a bit biased though as i moved out at the youngest age of all my siblings and i had an older sibling stay very long with my parents. Towards the end of that everyone was just getting on each others nerves but seemed unable to break out of that relationship pattern. For my parents it was the last child to move out, so they felt scared of having to deal with the fact that this phase of their live is now over and a new phase begins. In the same wake for that sibling it kept them back from finally standing on their own feet, making their own decisions and finding their own solutions. After moving out at last, everybody involved got much better for themselves.

    Spending time with your parents, or adult children can be great and in our time probably happens way to little. But if it is the center of each others life, that is not good for adults imo. And well, as parent or child the rights and duties you have upon each other are different from the rights and duties you have with your best friend. Your best friend most likely didn't wipe your butt when you were little. Your best friend is most likely not expected to do so, when you grow too old to do it yourself. Your best friend can give you great life advise, but it isn't their responsibility to steer you towards choosing a solid path in life. And best friends should not come with the baggage of having made mistakes, that parents inadvertently make in doing so.

    Finally in regards to old patterns, when i moved out, my parents "got off my back" at last. It took the physical separation to really acknowledge that i am a self responsible person now and vice versa for me not to lean into the inclination to have my parents help me sort my things out, when they are within my ability. So in regards to OPs question i see the risk of them living out a time they had, or wished that they had, when the son was just a boy. But that time is not coming back. Trying to hang onto it, will cause more harm in the long run.

    As a bad metaphor: No matter how much you loved that one hoodie you had as a teenager, eventually you grew out of it. There is no fitting you back into it, no matter how hard you try. You would only make yourself suffer as it constricts your body and eventually it would tear. It is better to cherish the memory of that hoodie, but wear things that fit you now.

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  • Since he is your husbands son, i take it that you are not the mother.

    Could it be that your husband harbors bad feelings about whatever happened between the mother of his son, his son and him or that he felt, he couldn't be there as a father back then?Could it be that they didn't went through the process of the adult child emancipating itself from the parents, which always is difficult?You have described their relationship as "more like best friends". Is your husband having good friends and social contacts aside from you and his son?Also being best friends doesn't necessarily work well with living together. I have seen some close friendships die out as living together removed the aspect of choice from them.

    I think in addressing the situation it is important to find out what your husband sees in spending so much time with his son, but also how the son feels. From your description it does not sound like their current relation is a "healthy" father-son relationship for two adults. Of course it is good if the relationship between adult parents and children become more like friendships, but they are not the same and they should not fill that role in either sides life.

    I think if you can carefully disentangle some of these aspects in talking with your husband, you could help them move on in a way that is sustainable.

  • I used to run SuSE and i appreciate their 100% open-source philosophy. But when i can't run videos on websites because the codec isn't open source, it is not suitable as a daily driver.

  • I feel like many programmers (or their management) have grown ignorant to resource limitations over the past decade or so.

    Obviously there is good examples like many linux distros running well on 4GB RAM and the like, but when it comes to windows, websites and proprietary programs, they gobble up insane amounts of RAM to provide almost the same functionality as in 2010.

  • Solar energy, temperate climates and a self regulation mechanism to distribute heat well, liquid and clean water, plants and animals providing nutrition, materials for anything from a clay hut to microchips...

  • It is affected by how efficient your muscles are as you don't reach a 100% energy conversion. Given the typical representation of Super-Heroes as muscular, but usually not hippo-sized, their muscles being "super efficient" would be one way of explaining why they manage to get more strength out of less muscles.

  • Also he worked out by lifting train carts.

  • I would just not care about the biofilm and wash it regularly. If you fill the bottle from a clean source and it doesnt smell or taste strange, the water should be fine for consumption.

    You know your fresh water pipes also have biofilms in them? If it isnt contaminated, the microorganisms there are harmless. So if you get clean water from the pipes and your mouth has a healthy microbiome, where should potentially harmful microorganisms come from?

    Only in rare amounts from the environment when you open the bottle. For that to create a buildup will take time. If you properly wash your bottle like once a week you should be fine.

    No bottle will stay clean if you dont wash it from time to time.

  • Jokes on you, i tried using qwant and they just straight up deny me access because using a VPN apparently is "suspicious".

  • A GUI makes sense if you want things to be approachable. A CLI makes sense, if you want things to be well customizable.

    E.g. compare LaTeX script with setting formatting in an office program. Yes i see directly how the formatting is. And if a good Formatting standard is set, it can be used quite well nowadays. But if just want to put one Paragraph differently in order to fit a picture or table or something then things quickly get messy.

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  • Most workers aren't that happy about it. It is a mess carefully engineered by the upper management and politics, in particular putting car lobbyists on the board and similar antics.

  • Specifically the person got raided on a wrong address, so actually his ex partner and child got raided, the raid came after the owner of the twitter account already had identified himself to the police and admitted to the "crime".

    There was absolutely no possible investigative reason for the raid. It was purely meant to intimidate someone for an insuot that is rather mild in German language

  • I know it is a bit of a silly answer but here we go:

    My brother had installed a game-boy emulator on the family PC when my parents had prohibited gameboys from the house. My older siblings bought some though and hid them, but i was too young for that. (They also didn't tell me).

    Anyways, so at the time Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire was the hot shit. I played Ruby on the emulator and i loved it. There was just one problem. The "nebula" animation that is transparent in the gameboy version was solid in the emulator. When i entered a cave i had to find a way to pass it blindly. This was before we had proper internet access at home, so i couldn't look up the cave layout.

    I had to gave up after the second gym or so. When i got older and my grandma bought me a gameboy, i played Ruby like crazy as i finally could progress.

  • The obvious solution is to clean up the mess.

    Yeah it takes effort to clean things up, but the current way is only helping the far-right and kicking the can down the road will only mean them to become even more powerful by the time they take the wheel.

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  • I used to. I have stopped. My life is much better without.

  • The way he is handling the persecution, and there is no doubt about it being persecution, irrespective of whether he is guilty or not, makes him a hero.

    He didn't buckle so far to all the intimidation they put on to show that you must not mess with the rich.

  • From the various experiences people close to me made with the German apparatus. If a refugee or migrant stands behind them, they would ram a sword through their own belly as long as the tip pinches the person.

    If you are "brown" many parts of German society fall over backwards to make sure that you never ever feel like you are accepted. This includes your children and their children and their children. People whose grandparents came from Turkiye, whose parents grew up in Germany, and they themselves grew up in Germany are still considered "the Turks".

    There is refugees who are kept in a limbo since 30 years including their children. They have to get their status re-approved every three month, being prohibited from ever arriving in Germany, even if the children have been growing up in Germany.

    Last year there was a case of a Syrian refugee who got a job offer after finishing his apprenticeship. The office handling refugees and immigrants denied the work permit, arguing that letting him take the job offer would help integrate him and that would make it more difficult to deport him later.

  • While this is great advice, it requires the ability to distinguish plausible from implausible claims and from what OP describes, we're not at that point yet.

    E.g. if you google "why is Trump a bad leader." And then read i.e. "Tariffs are hurting the economy." And then you look for "Are tariffs good for the economy?" you will find pages both saying they are and they aren't.

  • Can you point me to the research showing clear evidence of the suspect currently detained and charged being at the crime scene?

    Because for Trump and Epstein there is flight-logs tying him to the crime scene and lots and lots of evidence around it like his letters with Epstein about raping minors, as well as victim testimony.

  • Showerthoughts @lemmy.world

    Vernon Dursley, uncle of Harry Potter is just a normal bloke that loves his wife and gets roped into a paramilitary war for it.

  • Mildly Infuriating @lemmy.world

    The inconsistent naming for insert row/columns in the German MS Office

  • 196 @lemmy.blahaj.zone

    CEOs ruling strategic innovation