We're writing an online banking service entirely in brainfuck. Backend, frontend, even middleend if we have to
Well well well. If it isn't the thing people are saying was going to happen for the last 7-10 years. Surely there was no way to prevent this.
Well there's the Mortal Error theory for the JFK assassination. Basically says that yes, he was shot by Oswald, but the "second gunman" who shot him in the head was actually an accidental shot coming from the secret service in car ahead of his.
For wikipedia you'll want to use Kiwix. A full backup of wikipedia is only like 100GB, and I think that includes pictures too.
IIRC SteamOS reinstalls itself every update. Just updating the software will probably undo all of these changes.
And this woman knows she's your wife, right?