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zcryj

@ zcryj @lemmy.world

Posts
1
Comments
16
Joined
1 yr. ago

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • I fear I might come across as either arrogant, cold, or creepy.

    I've been told that in a talk that I perceived as mutually friendly and casual, they wondered why I disliked the other person so much. I guess I am insecure, and it manifests as coldness?

    I am physically unimpressive, average height and pretty slender, but I had people recoil when I was mildly angry at them. Looks like angry me has a vibe of "one of us will leave in an ambulance, I don't care who". Meh, could be worse, it helped with beggars every now and then.

    And for the creepy part... To be fair, I proudly qualify as a pervert, I just aim to be a friendly pervert. Jokes aside, I seem to be in a weird middle ground where people who casually know me think I'm sane, and people who know me well think I'm sane, but somewhere in the middle I guess I must be making too many dark jokes or something.

    Sorry for making this all about me, I guess I had to type it out once. Thanks for sharing your experience, maybe I just need to be bolder and give less of a fuck.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • 🫂

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • I think I've seen both. The US is definitely more on the peach side, and northern Europe is definitely more coconut. But I feel like some regions just have a.. standard? norm? of more or less close relationships.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • Maybe that was a bad example. Thanks, that is reassuring. However, I feel like I get better and flipping the switch and doing smalltalk / pretending to be social, but worse at actually being social. I fear I'll end up as a cranky old man yelling at the kids, and I'm not even 30.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • Oh, and for the maga idiots, so much yes. I'm lucky that most people at the local range are chill, but some... I am here to relax and kill some innocent cardboard pieces, not listen to you trying to convince me how the removed has ruined the country.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • I'm doing a bunch of stuff, I don't think that is the issue. For that specific example, the group is still meeting (as far as I know), they just don't bother inviting me unless I explicitly ask a few times. At some point, even I get the hint.

    I feel like my issue is that I am incredibly "picky" when it comes to people I enjoy being around. That sucks. I don't want to be like that. But maybe I need to accept it.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • I do a bunch of stuff, that's not the problem. But, for example, last time I went hiking with a group of strangers, I just had a bad time. I didn't talk much, I didn't enjoy the talk, I wished I was either alone or with the (rare) friend. And I cannot really blame the people around, they were as welcoming to me as they were to anyone else.

    What pisses me off most is that I wasn't always that way. I met one of my closest friends at a hike, we just hit off. Maybe it's a numbers game.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • Sorry, I should have worded that differently. That is precisely what I don't want, of course.

    My issue is, I don't want to have a "linkedin" relationship with people I meet at, say, a sport I do. But I seem to be very picky about who I enjoy talking to. That sucks. I don't want to be like that. I'm cool with not being super close with everyone, but it would be nice to talk to more than two people without thinking.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • Solid advice. It took me way too long that trying to get into a specific friend group wasn't good for me. All super interesting people, doing cool stuff I want to join, but I feel like shit every time I do. Yeah, no, I don't need that.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • Great point at the end. Yeah, maybe I need to practice being charismatic towards people more. The weird thing is, it works perfectly with random strangers I don't give a shit about. I guess I need to accept that things don't come naturally until they do.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • That is a cool story. Sadly, 14-year old me was an idiot, and being in my politically edgy phase didn't really help. Meh, live and learn. But that sounds like a very impressive friendship. I know lots of married couples that would wish for such a connection.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • It is a cool concept. Nice way to think about it. Although, I would say some cultures just have more distance, even between close friends.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • That's good advice. It's a numbers game. You invite ten people, and you're lucky if three show up. But better than nothing.

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • Thanks, yeah, that sounds similar. Good for you to have the patience, a different continent (I'm assuming with a language barrier?) must be doing social life on hard mode

  • I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?

    Jump

  • I have a bunch. Maybe I should have mentioned that. I do martial arts and a bunch of random sports, I do some nonprofit stuff, I have a bunch of pretty social tech hobbies. I went on a holiday with some people I barely know, and some people I mostly know. I couldn't fit more in my schedule without impacting work and so on.

    It's more that the people I meet there extremely rarely make the jump from someone you greet while walking past to someone you look forward to talk to.

  • Ask Lemmy @lemmy.world
    zcryj @lemmy.world

    I have a hard time making friends. Anyone else? Any tips?